The River and the Shore

Sometimes I feel like I am in the river, part of the flow. 
Tumbling over rocks, reeds and pebbles, but always in a direction,
comforted in the serenity of guidance from so many sources.

Other times, I feel like I run into a brick wall,
take 10 steps back, and run into the wall again.
I'm sure we all feel like this.

I keep telling myself I don't want to count the days,
it used to make me sad and bewildered.
But today, I am proud to say I am still here
after 463 days of struggle. 

There is a lot that has happened
between 1 and 463.
Fear and despair,
confusion, regret, guilt,
sickness, bitterness,
so many hard lessons.
But...

There has also been faith, hope,
love, laughter. So many doors are opening
and the sunlight streams in, it is blinding
and beautiful. 
I stand in the center in wonderment, looking at all of the 
unblocked paths that lay in front of me.

Which direction will the river take me?
I do not know. But, now I have so much 
more faith in myself, and in other people.
Faith that there are good people in the world that
want to help. That don't want to cause harm.
Faith that I am getting better about picking the people 
that are right for me in this lifetime.

Faith that I am not alone in this confusing time.
Faith that I am getting stronger every day.
Understanding that sometimes the river will 
toss me back onto the shore, and now knowing
that it is there that I rest,
gathering strength to get back into the flow
of life.

I wish I could give you all the hope,
love, laughter and determination that I have 
been so graced with. I hope I do.