Today, I had 2 blissful hours with my hilarious husband.
We looked at a car (he loves cars, working on engines is his form of meditation),
and then went to the farm supply store so I could look
at all the baby chickens (if they had baby ducks I would have gotten one.
Pets are my form of blissful chaos, the opposite of meditation.
I love their indignant quack quack QUACK!-ing).
On the way home, we were stopped waiting for the light to change
And Mike said "Oh fuck.." and then BAM we got rear ended.
It was a giant F-150.
My neck immediately stung.
And then I started worrying about my head.
We are fine.
They are fine.
It's all fine.
But, I have this thing, it's part of my long-hauler syndrome,
I have encephalitis (maybe I told you this already,
I can't remember who I told what, my brain is still
weaving itself back together, slowly and carefully).
So, getting in a normal fender-bender
would normally be SUPER fine
but it was less fine today. I started to feel
the telltale signs of the encephalitis migraine.
They last for days, weeks. I can't describe it,
it's terrible. No amount of medication helps.
Thank God for perinatal stem cells. I hadn't had
one of these colossal headaches since my 2nd treatment.
Mike was worried, his face ashen, looking at me.
We got the kids, went home, he kept looking at me.
I was worried about him, he looked so gray.
"Are you ok?" I asked him.
"I am so worried about you..." he said.
This is the first time, in 16 months that he has
dared to utter these words. This guy is an oak.
Maybe it's because I've been doing so well,
we had such a good day, it felt like the way we used to be.
Fun, giggling, loving, flipping jokes at each other.
Sunroof open, me playing him all my favorite
So I called my doctor, and they told me to go to the
emergency room IMMEDIATELY.
I went. Irony reared it's head, the CT scan I've been trying
to get for 16 months happened in 5 minutes.
No bleeding in my brain. Just a concussion and whiplash.
The odd thing is, I felt no fear. I could see it in Mike's face,
but I felt levitated. Sometimes this happens to me during
emergencies. Maybe it's the fact that I've been in
fight/flight mode for so long, but I was calm.
And dealing with car issues is always such a hassle,
but I feel annoyingly serene about the whole thing.
I kept thinking of this quote, that I just shared with a good friend:
"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins; not through strength, but through perseverance.”
Maybe this is what I am learning, finally, perseverance without fear.
To look and feel time differently.
That, and it's time for me to finally get my Humvee.